UGH

Where will I start? Uhm.. okay. here it goes. Si ano kase, he has that "something" for me. And then he's, you know sweet, but it's unusual for me because we like to brawl with each other. And then.... Putangina, may nanliligaw sakin pero ewan ko kung matutuwa ba ko or what!!! Feeling ko ang unfair ko sakanya pag pinagpatuloy ko pa 'to! Puta, second chance na 'to! Hindi kami natuloy nung 4th yr ako dahil sa hayup na D na yan dahil di ako maka-move on sakanya! Pero he's still here kahit na nagka-girlfriend na siya na batchmate din namin. That's why I feel like I am being unfair to him dahil naman sa punyetang G na 'to na kahit minsan di man lang ako napansin at wala atang balak pansinin ako!! Yung hindi man lang niya alam kung gano ko siya kagusto at mahigit isang taon ko na siya hinihiling kay Lord at pinagbubuhusan ng efforts!!!! Deputa! Eto paaa... Feeling ko he's just bored or I was his option slash second choice slash rebound girl dahil niloko siya nung ex niya!! Langya!! Pero I know him, at alam ko kung sincere siya or hindi. Hindi pa kami pero nagakakaganto na ko, pano pa kaya if ever sagutin ko siya, baka mas mabilis pa sa wedding ni Kim Kardashian at Kris Humphries yung relationship namin dahil sa kagagahan ko! Sayang effort niya sakin if I'll stay like this.  I'm not worth his time and effort and everything. Isa pa... yung sasabihin ng iba! Ang hirap pag maliit lang yung mundong ginagalawan niyo, not literally. Pero yung group of friends niyo. Although may bagong bf na yung ex niya na niloko siya, I'm still sure that there's still a part of her na ayaw niya maging masaya yung ex niya at magpapaka-selfish muna siya. So, in the end, magagalit siya sakin at pag-uusapan ng mga friends niyang walang ginawa kundi mag-pacute at mag-babytalk kasama na din yung boyfriend niyang tropa ng ex niya! Leche. Nakakaloko! Haaaaaaayyyy! What should I do?! Hiniling ko 'to eh! But not complicated like this! Smh. 

Motivated!

"I'm not sure where I want to go, or who I want to be. All I know is that, ten years from now, I hope that I am happy."

Motivations... Motivations... Motivations! I'm getting too much of it from the people around me. Just so you know,  3rd yr college na po ako. I'm currently in the state of "knowing who you are and who you want to be." I'm few more steps to real life. You know, work, jobs, family, real things. And gusto ko na marating yun. I want to graduate, have the job that I love, have my own family, gusto ko makabawi sa parents ko and to those who helped us when we are in need. I want to buy those things na hindi ko makuha nung nag-aaral pa ko. I want to treat myself and my siblings and my friends from my very first paycheck. Kahit gano pa siya kaliit. I want to live a wealthy life! Who doesn't? And I just want to be happy when the time comes. And that's what keeps me motivated. I remember my relatives everytime na pinupuri nila ko at pinagmamalaki sa iba kong pinsan and kahit sa ibang tao kasi masipag daw ako mag-aral. Meron pa nga na my tita made me an example for my cousin to study hard. I heard her telling my tito, "Alam mo ba ginagawa kong model yang si Badeth kay Yuki! Sabi ko, gayahin niya Ate Badeth niya! Aral muna bago mag-boyfriend!" My titas even make me a tutor of their kids. Although it's not that hard kase I'm years ahead to them. Mga basic, ganun. And I'm telling them naman if I can't help them or if I don't know what's the answer. They even make me do this, do that, as if I know everything. I love helping! It's just that they have a high expectation when it comes to me. Ugh, if only they know. Napangiti ako that time. Naisip ko, may mga tao pa palang naniniwala sakin. Sa kakayahan ko. Masipag naman akong mag-aral eh. Nung elementary and highschool. But nung college, di ko na masyado kinakaya lahat. Ewan ko, kinukulang ako sa effort. No more spoon-feeding na kase. Tsaka ikaw na talaga ang bahala sa buhay mo. It's up to you kung gagawin mo lahat or makikisabay ka sa agos or wala. As in wala. Pag nakakakuha ko ng 3, masaya na ko. Ika nga nila, di baleng hindi mataas basta pasado. Ganyan sa college. Pero habang tumatagal, nahihiya kong ipalita mga classcards kong nagmumura sa 2.50, 2.75, 3.00 sa parents ko. Hindi kase ganun ang expectation nila sakin. I think I will disappoint them. Not only my parents, but my relatives who believe in me. Taray ko, diba? Dami supporters. Kaya simula nun, I realized that I need to stusy harder. Not just hard, but HARDER. Pero isa lang makakatulong sakin. Me, myself and I. Kaya naisipan kong magsipag na sa pag-aaral simula ngayong sem. Hindi ko lang naisipan, syempre kelangan kong gawin. I need a change! If I want something good for me in the future, I need to start as early as possible. I need to start now! Gusto kong may mapatunayan sa lahat. Ayoko madisappoint mga taong andyan para sumuporta. Gusto ko magamit lahat ng pinaghirapan ko habang nag-aaral. I want my family to be proud of me even once in my life. I want to pay them back. Gusto ko magsuot ng black na toga while holding my diploma. I want to work not just for a living, but to be satisfied and be contented. Ayoko magsisi sa bandang huli. I just want to be happy and successful. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? B.

MEDYO RANT

PUNYETA. GUSTONG GUSTO KO MAG-BLOG NGAYON, KASO DI KO ALAM ANO I-BBLOG KO. PUTA, NAKAKAINIS! NUNG ISANG ARAW PA KO GANITO. ANG DAMING PUMAPASOK SA ISIP KO PERO DI KO NAMAN MAI-TYPE, PUTA. MAGMUMURA NALANG MUNA KO PARA CUTE, TANGINIS! NAFU-FRUSTRATE TALAGA KO PAG GANITO! GUSTO KONG I-BLOG YUNG GANITO, GANYAN, YUNG ANO, YUNG GANON. LECHE! UMUULAN PA NAMAN. MY PERFECT WEATHER FOR BLOGGING, PERO ANO? WALA! NGA-NGA! DEPUTA! ANG DAMI-DAMI KONG DRAFTS PERO DI KO MAN LANG MAITULOY KAHIT ISA. NA-LECHE NA! ANG DAMI KONG SUBJECT AND TOPICS PERO DI KO MAGAWAN NG LAMAN. TANGINUUH! SANA BUKAS LUMAWAK NA PAG-IISIP KO AT TUMABA NA UTAK KO AT SANA PATAWARIN AKO NI LORD SA PAGMUMURA KO. hahahuhu

HASHTAG MEDYO BADGIRL
HASHTAG MEDYO RANT
HASHTAG CAPSLOCK PARA INTENSE

Shuffled.

That you should've bought me flowers 

and held my hand

Should've gave me all your hours 

when you had the chance

Take me to every party cause I wanted to do was dance

Now your baby is dancing

But I'm dancing with another man

Too young

Too dumb

To realize

meanie me ;)

In my 17 years of existence, I learned that HATE is such a strong word. And I decided to use UNLIKE more often. So, let me rephrase it, "I don't hate you. I just don't like you." It's two different words.

Throwback

May 6, 2012. 
It's been a year since this memorable moment for the Purefoods franchise, the BMEG Planet and mostly to Denzel Bowles happened. If you're a fan of Bmeg or even a TnT fan, you surely know this very emotional and crucial moment. If you're a ka-planeta, you surely love what happened. And if you're a ka-tropa, we surely know that this is a nightmare.

I can still remember this day. A sad day for me because I want to watch Game 7/last game of Commissioners Cup finals of Bmeg Llamados and TNT Tropang Texters, but we went to Bulacan and QC for some family matters. While we were in the car going home, we turn on the radio and put it on the station where they have a live coverage of the game. (i don't know what station it is) I forgot what quarter it is, but I can hear the noise of the fans and the commentators mentioning every bit of the game. We are all quiet inside the car because it is so hard to understand what the commentators are saying because it is an AM station. (Malabo pag AM station) So, every time the commentators mention anyone from bmeg who gets a point, dun lang kami mag-iingay. Usually, "Woooh!", "Yes!!", but me, mas bumibilis ang heartbeat ko. Idunno. Maybe cause of happiness, excitement, kaba. Ewan. So, nung nasa house na kami, takbo agad sila sa harap ng tv. Pero ako sa cr tumakbo for some ugh reasons. Hahahaha. Naabutan naming part, eh yung part that changed the destiny of the llamados. Yung part na muntik magpagiba sa Araneta because of the happiest fans on earth at that moment.  Yung part na nagpa-iyak kay Bowles at Cap Alvin pati na din buong bmeg planet. Etong part na 'to: 

Bowles' clutch freethrows. 2 shots that will tie the game. For him, do or die na ang shot na 'to. This is a chance that God has given to bmeg. Kung di maipasok, wala. Kaya grabe nalang ang emotion ng bawat isa. For only a few seconds, na-foul si Bowles so he needs to take 2 freethrows na magsasalba sa kanila and will lead them to OT. Hindi pa nga narinig yung pito ng referee dahil sa ingay sa loob. Syempre intense na. James Yap missed his shot. Bowles with a rebound and putback but missed it also. They thought TnT got the W. But the refs reviewed the last sequence and they found out na na-foul si Bowles. As you can see, namumugto na mga mata ni bowles bago pa man siya mag-freethrow. So, nung first try.. Pasok! Konti nalang iiyak na siya. I bet he's shaking that time. Kahit sino mangangatog pag nasayo ang pag-asa para manalo. He takes the second shot and made it! Bowles breakdown at that moment as well as the captain. Cap hugged him and all his teammates hugged him also. And the fans are chanting "B-MEG! B-MEG! " Yung moment na nilamon nila ng buo yung TnT fans. Lahat naging emotional. Kami sa bahay, sobrang saya. Sobrang ingay. May torotot pa nga kami nun eh. Hahaha! The one that we used during newyear. And I'll admit it, naluha ako sa part na yun. Ayoko umiyak kasi mejo OA. Pero that freethrows are the best freethrows EVER. Freethrows that made us all happy. Freethrows na nagpaluha sakin at sa mga ka-planeta. Napaka-memorable. I love you, Bowles. You're worth the"Best Import" award. 

Here we go the overtime. Bawal makampante. Tuloy ang laban. 5 more minutes until we get there. Konting push nalang. Siguro nga it's for them talaga. Kasi mga shots ng TnT, di na pumapasok. Daming na-injured na players nila. Daming na-fouled out including their import. Wala na. Humina na yung signal sa loob. Hindi para sakanila 'to. Para sa Bmeg 'to. Para malinaw, eto: 

Overtime. Ang saya  diba? Tuluyan na naging "Monster" si MonsterBowles. He's UnstoppaBowles. He's loving the moment. Para sakanya yun. The spotlights are on him. Siya ang bida. Siya ang hero. Basta napaka-saya. Ang sarap matulog. Ang sarap kumain. Nakakatuwa. Kaya lalong minahal ko ang team na 'to. Feeling ko nga kasama na ko sa coaching staff eh. Hahaha. We are the happiest fans on Earth that night. Ano ang umiral? PUSO. (♥) 

--

Wanna know why I throwback this? Pinanood ko kasi 'to after ng game nila kanina. I still get goosebumps. At naluluha padin ako pag pinapanuod 'to. Haha. Talo kasi sila ngayon. Di sila nakapasok sa finals. Di nila nadefend yung crown. Yung crown na pinaghirapan nila a year ago. Madaming drama all over the conf. Madaming injuries. Madaming failures. Madaming trades. Ang daming nawala this conf. Josh, Jc and Jonas. They're traded for Najorda, Mallari and Alvarez. I don't know kung ano strategy ni coach Tim at nilipat niya yung 3 magagaling na players niya, although sabi nila magaling naman yung pumalit. Si Mallari palang naa-appreciate ko. Najorda... hmmm kinda. Alvarez.. kinda bangko. Hehe. Pero pag pinasok naman siya, keri naman niya. They started 0-3. Olats na olats. Di pa si Bowles unang import kasi nasa China pa siya that time pero nagbalik siya. And the team ended up on 3rd. Nasa ilalim, napunta sa itaas. Yan ang boylets ko! Hehehe. Di ko sinisisi si Coach Tim kung bakit inconsistent sila this conf. He's my favorite coach aside from Coach Richard. Hahahaha. Coach Tim has the heart of a champion. No dirty tactics. Pure basketball. Lahat ng moves niya, may rason. Di basta basta. He's the Coach who has the most number of championships. Way back nung nasa Alaska pa siya, which is the team na nakatalo sakanila ngayon. Ngayon lang nanalo Alaska sa bmeg/smc since Tim Cone left them. Walang dapat sisihin. Nag-iba kasi sila ng line-up ngayon kaya di pa makuha ang tamang timpla. At naniniwala kami na next conf, babawi sila ng BIGTIME. Babawi sila ni Blakely if ever siya ulit ang import. Alam na nila ang tamang timpla. Mananalo na sila. Para sakanila na 'to. Itaga niyo sa bato. Bukod sa mga boylets ko at sa mga fans, isa na ko sa pinakamalungkot na tao sa mga oras na 'to. Masakit kaya. I've been fangirling and supporting them since day 1 and I don't have regrets. Thank you Denzel for being your best this conf! The fans hope na matuloy yung "naturalization" mo para player ka na talaga ng PBA. Thank you for bringing the team to semis! Di man umabot ng finals, at di ka man ang best import, you're still our best import ever. Dami mong tinulong sa  team. Balik ka next year ha? Bring back the "monster" you! Goodluck! To the team naman, bounceback, boys! Even the best fall down sometimes, diba? Hehe. Puso lang! We have the heart of champion! Cheer up! Mas masarap padin ang kape. Hihi. xx B.