Motivated!

"I'm not sure where I want to go, or who I want to be. All I know is that, ten years from now, I hope that I am happy."

Motivations... Motivations... Motivations! I'm getting too much of it from the people around me. Just so you know,  3rd yr college na po ako. I'm currently in the state of "knowing who you are and who you want to be." I'm few more steps to real life. You know, work, jobs, family, real things. And gusto ko na marating yun. I want to graduate, have the job that I love, have my own family, gusto ko makabawi sa parents ko and to those who helped us when we are in need. I want to buy those things na hindi ko makuha nung nag-aaral pa ko. I want to treat myself and my siblings and my friends from my very first paycheck. Kahit gano pa siya kaliit. I want to live a wealthy life! Who doesn't? And I just want to be happy when the time comes. And that's what keeps me motivated. I remember my relatives everytime na pinupuri nila ko at pinagmamalaki sa iba kong pinsan and kahit sa ibang tao kasi masipag daw ako mag-aral. Meron pa nga na my tita made me an example for my cousin to study hard. I heard her telling my tito, "Alam mo ba ginagawa kong model yang si Badeth kay Yuki! Sabi ko, gayahin niya Ate Badeth niya! Aral muna bago mag-boyfriend!" My titas even make me a tutor of their kids. Although it's not that hard kase I'm years ahead to them. Mga basic, ganun. And I'm telling them naman if I can't help them or if I don't know what's the answer. They even make me do this, do that, as if I know everything. I love helping! It's just that they have a high expectation when it comes to me. Ugh, if only they know. Napangiti ako that time. Naisip ko, may mga tao pa palang naniniwala sakin. Sa kakayahan ko. Masipag naman akong mag-aral eh. Nung elementary and highschool. But nung college, di ko na masyado kinakaya lahat. Ewan ko, kinukulang ako sa effort. No more spoon-feeding na kase. Tsaka ikaw na talaga ang bahala sa buhay mo. It's up to you kung gagawin mo lahat or makikisabay ka sa agos or wala. As in wala. Pag nakakakuha ko ng 3, masaya na ko. Ika nga nila, di baleng hindi mataas basta pasado. Ganyan sa college. Pero habang tumatagal, nahihiya kong ipalita mga classcards kong nagmumura sa 2.50, 2.75, 3.00 sa parents ko. Hindi kase ganun ang expectation nila sakin. I think I will disappoint them. Not only my parents, but my relatives who believe in me. Taray ko, diba? Dami supporters. Kaya simula nun, I realized that I need to stusy harder. Not just hard, but HARDER. Pero isa lang makakatulong sakin. Me, myself and I. Kaya naisipan kong magsipag na sa pag-aaral simula ngayong sem. Hindi ko lang naisipan, syempre kelangan kong gawin. I need a change! If I want something good for me in the future, I need to start as early as possible. I need to start now! Gusto kong may mapatunayan sa lahat. Ayoko madisappoint mga taong andyan para sumuporta. Gusto ko magamit lahat ng pinaghirapan ko habang nag-aaral. I want my family to be proud of me even once in my life. I want to pay them back. Gusto ko magsuot ng black na toga while holding my diploma. I want to work not just for a living, but to be satisfied and be contented. Ayoko magsisi sa bandang huli. I just want to be happy and successful. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? B.

RED \M/

TB

Remember the last thing that I blogged here is about my COLLEGE FRIENDS. It's been a month exactly today. WOW. Coincidence. That was September 19 and now is October 19. Keewl. I said in that blog post that I will post our kabaliwan soon. Our photos that we took almost everyday, our stories, jokes, and everything that we talk about everyday, every minute. Well, I don't think I will do it anymore. I don't know.. biglang nawala lahat ng pinagkaingatan ko. Yung isang araw, magugulat ka nalang, everyone hates you. They post they anger towards you. Pinaparinggan ka na, nilalait ka pa. Masakit. I'm hurt. So much hurt. I was crying last night because I can't help it. I ate a lot of sweets just to feel comforted. I was praying last night and thinking what I did wrong to them, why they suddenly hate me. Ang alam kong ginawa ko, is di ako sumama sa outing namin. Because of 3 reasons. First, sobrang daming gagawin at di kaya ng Monday. Second, wala pa kong pera. I have money, but not enough. And lastly, dahil sa nangyari. Supposedly, susunod ako kinabukasan. Pero dahil sa nangyari, I changed my mind. Di maganda pag sumunod pa ko. Awkward. Kasi alam ko, pinaguusapan na nila ko dun. Masakit isipin na ganun ang nangyayari. Okay naman talaga kami eh. The last thing I remember, we're laughing and throwing jokes at each other and then they don't talk to me suddenly. Di ko alam ano nagawa kong sobrang big deal sakanila. I thought they can handle me at my worst dahil we're friends since we're at our first years. Simula nun, lagi na kaming magkakasama sa lahat ng bagay. Tapos, everything will fall apart ng biglaan. Di ko na alam... Naalala ko si _______. Siya ng pinaka-una kong friend sa college. I can still remember our first encounter. The place, her face, and even our first conversation. HAHA! Pero ngayon, parang mawawala na lahat. Dahil lang sa di pagkakaintindihan. Pati si ________. Kahit nakakabwiset siya at all times, kahit may pagkamasama ugali niya, kahit she's too loud, kahit laitera siya... I accept her as my friend. I accepted her flaws. THEIR flaws, either. Friend ko padin naman sila eh. Di naman ako nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. I'm not that type of person. Magagalit ako pero just a short period of time. Masakit lang talaga sa ngayon. Nalulungkot ako. Kanina, I was crying again. But kasama ko si ____. Alam kong she'll understand me. Nafeel na niya nafefeel ko eh. Umiiyak lang ako habang nagkkwento. Siya naman, nakikinig lang. Walang angal. I feel comforted pag ganun. May makinig at makaunawa lang sakin, okay na ko. At least alam kong kahit papano, someone can understand me. Yung hindi sila pumapanig sa isang side lang. Ganun din si _______. Naiintindihan niya ko. Okay na yun. Andyan din naman si _______ at si _________. Di sila nakikisali. Instead, pinagbabati pa kami. Pero I don't think maayos pa 'to. I know them well. Their attitudes. Their PRIDES. Haaay. I'm crying again. I feel so down and depressed. Tapos stressed pa. Buti nalang we will have a party on sunday with my highschool friends. I feel relieved. After nun, iisipin ko nanaman kung pano ko sila haharapin sa school. Even ________, ________, ________, ________ and ________. I know they hate me. Naiinis sila sakin. Sabe. Buti nalang sembreak na. Medyo lalamig ang sitwasyon at maiiwasan ko din sila. I can think clearly. Naiisip ko nga, lipat kaya kong school? Kaso, sayang naman lahat ng pinaghirapan ko dun. Pati na din yung ibang friends na maiiwan ko dun. I feel so helpless right now. I can still manage to smile, but my one friend knows i'm not that happy. Alam niyang fake lahat ng smileys na nirereply ko sakanya. Nawalan din ako ng appetite. Iba talaga pag friends ang nawala. Mas masaklap kesa sa mawalan ka ng boyfriend. Mas madaming luhang mawawala. Mas madaming time na malungkot ka. Well, ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? The damage has been done. Sana lang wag na lumaki pa. I love my friends so much. Kumabaga, sila ang comforter ko. Pag stressed ako sa bahay, isipin ko lang na makikita at makakakwentuhan ko sila bukas, stress free na ko. Naalala ko yung movie na "The Reunion". Ayun ang first movie na pinanuod namin together as friends. And that is a story of friendship. Nagkagulo man sila, but at the end of the day, they remain as friends. Sana ganun kami. Isang SORRY lang naman gusto ko eh. I know demanding ako at mahirap ang hinihingi ko. Pero kung ayun ang makakapag-ayos ng lahat, why not give a one? Diba? I'm willing to say sorry naman eh. I know nagmaldita ko. And don't have any regrets. Sana maging okay na. Sana makalimot na ang lahat. Sana wala ng gulo. Sana katulad padin kami ng dati. Yung masaya, puro tawa, walang iwanan, puro gaguhan, kainan, kwentuhan, murahan, laitan, kiligan. Haaaaay. :( I don't think mababasa nila 'to. And I know ayaw nila sa madrama at napakahabang babasahin. Mga tamad kaya yung mg yun. HAHA! Maybe _____ will read this. Pero I don't think na nabibisita pa siya dito. More tumblr siya/sila eh. So, Dear whoever reading this, please tell my friends what i'm afraid to say. I love them to bits. I'm sorry if I acted like a mess. If I annoyed them and pushed them to limits. I didn't meant to ruined our friendships. They're my sisters and brothers. My comforters. My happy pill. My human diary. My mirror. My BESTFRIENDS. I will miss you, guise, balatubas, ulupong, girlfriends, my TROPANG BIGATIN. ♥ *sobs*

You can count on me like 123, I'll be there

And I know when I needed

I can count on you like 432, you'll be there

Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeaaah. 

Good Morning Face ☺

 LOL. I look like asdfghjkl. Excuse the face and those freakin' eyebugzz too. Hoho.