Motivated!

"I'm not sure where I want to go, or who I want to be. All I know is that, ten years from now, I hope that I am happy."

Motivations... Motivations... Motivations! I'm getting too much of it from the people around me. Just so you know,  3rd yr college na po ako. I'm currently in the state of "knowing who you are and who you want to be." I'm few more steps to real life. You know, work, jobs, family, real things. And gusto ko na marating yun. I want to graduate, have the job that I love, have my own family, gusto ko makabawi sa parents ko and to those who helped us when we are in need. I want to buy those things na hindi ko makuha nung nag-aaral pa ko. I want to treat myself and my siblings and my friends from my very first paycheck. Kahit gano pa siya kaliit. I want to live a wealthy life! Who doesn't? And I just want to be happy when the time comes. And that's what keeps me motivated. I remember my relatives everytime na pinupuri nila ko at pinagmamalaki sa iba kong pinsan and kahit sa ibang tao kasi masipag daw ako mag-aral. Meron pa nga na my tita made me an example for my cousin to study hard. I heard her telling my tito, "Alam mo ba ginagawa kong model yang si Badeth kay Yuki! Sabi ko, gayahin niya Ate Badeth niya! Aral muna bago mag-boyfriend!" My titas even make me a tutor of their kids. Although it's not that hard kase I'm years ahead to them. Mga basic, ganun. And I'm telling them naman if I can't help them or if I don't know what's the answer. They even make me do this, do that, as if I know everything. I love helping! It's just that they have a high expectation when it comes to me. Ugh, if only they know. Napangiti ako that time. Naisip ko, may mga tao pa palang naniniwala sakin. Sa kakayahan ko. Masipag naman akong mag-aral eh. Nung elementary and highschool. But nung college, di ko na masyado kinakaya lahat. Ewan ko, kinukulang ako sa effort. No more spoon-feeding na kase. Tsaka ikaw na talaga ang bahala sa buhay mo. It's up to you kung gagawin mo lahat or makikisabay ka sa agos or wala. As in wala. Pag nakakakuha ko ng 3, masaya na ko. Ika nga nila, di baleng hindi mataas basta pasado. Ganyan sa college. Pero habang tumatagal, nahihiya kong ipalita mga classcards kong nagmumura sa 2.50, 2.75, 3.00 sa parents ko. Hindi kase ganun ang expectation nila sakin. I think I will disappoint them. Not only my parents, but my relatives who believe in me. Taray ko, diba? Dami supporters. Kaya simula nun, I realized that I need to stusy harder. Not just hard, but HARDER. Pero isa lang makakatulong sakin. Me, myself and I. Kaya naisipan kong magsipag na sa pag-aaral simula ngayong sem. Hindi ko lang naisipan, syempre kelangan kong gawin. I need a change! If I want something good for me in the future, I need to start as early as possible. I need to start now! Gusto kong may mapatunayan sa lahat. Ayoko madisappoint mga taong andyan para sumuporta. Gusto ko magamit lahat ng pinaghirapan ko habang nag-aaral. I want my family to be proud of me even once in my life. I want to pay them back. Gusto ko magsuot ng black na toga while holding my diploma. I want to work not just for a living, but to be satisfied and be contented. Ayoko magsisi sa bandang huli. I just want to be happy and successful. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? B.