3 days.

"What our closest friends do for us is to teach us true selflessness. We learn that while we might be safer for them if we keep them out, but true friendship means letting them in. We cannot decide for them what they are willing to suffer with us and for us. While we certainly don't want to see our friends suffer. Friendship isn't about protecting each other from pain as it is about helping each other during pain." B.

Highschool Friends >

"Don't trust on people easily pagdating mo ng college. There's a lot of bitches, backstabbers and plastics everywhere. Mag-ingat ka sa mga pagkakatiwalaan mo, dahil hindi lahat ng makikilala mo dun totoo."  I forgot who told me this before entering college. Before, I was like, "wehhh?? hindi naman siguro. feeling mo lang yun." Because honestly, I thought highschool people and college people are likely the same, but unfortunately, it's NOT. So, whoever angel in disguise told me that thing, Thanks for reminding me. I want to find you and give you my BIG hug! >:D< Lol.

I don't know where are my original college friends go. I've been dealing with the unknown group since... I don't know. They changed a lot. Iba na yung nafefeel ko ngayon pag kasama ko sila, unlike before. Dati, gustong gusto ko sila kasama kesa sa family ko. Naeexcite ako pumasok ng school dahil sakanila. Madaming nakakatawang memories. Kaya tuwing naaalala ko yung sinabi nung "angel in disguise", sinasabi kong mali siya ng inakala. Mas madaming friends sa college, mas masaya. Lahat sila totoo. Until one day, nagbago pananaw ko. Ewan ko. Suddenly, bigla ko nalang naisip na MAS better padin ang highschool friends ko. Kahit bihira na kaming magkita-kita dahil nga sa schedule, ramdam ko pading andun yung feeling na forever lang silang andyan. Kaya kung magkita-kita kami, grabe. Kulang ang isang linggo para magkasawaan kami sa kwento. Haha! Kaya dati, kung naeexcite ako sakanila, ngayon gusto ko na silang taguan. Gusto ko na humiwalay pero di ko kaya. Kasi nga, sila na kasama since nag-college ako. Dahil na din siguro sa mga jowa nila na magtotropa kaya ayoko na sumama sakanila. Hindi sa naiinggit ako or what. Nakaka-OP na kasi pag nag-kkwentuhan sila tungkol dun. Eh, anong ikkwento ko? Diba? Kaya minsan, nananahimik nalang ako, lumalayo, minsan nakikiepal na kunyari interisado sa mga boylets nila. Meron kasing isa samin na gusto niya, jowa naming lahat ng tropa ng jowa niya. Eh, pano kung ayaw mo sa mga yun? Ang hirap sakanya, ipapafeel niya sayo na ikaw lang ang naiiba. Na forever alone ka kasi hindi mo jowa ang isa sa mga tropa. Bullshit. Nakakairita minsan. Kaya nagdadalawang isip na ko kung sasama pa ko sa nueva ecija trip nila. Alam ko namang hindi nila maiintidihan dahilan  ko dahil nga yung kilay ko, mas mataas pa sa mga IQ nila. (Alam kong may babasa nito pero lampake) Ang hirap din kasi sa kanila, pag gusto nilang mangyari, gusto nila. Di muna nila itatanong kung ok lang ba. Tss. Badtrip.

Yung mga friends ko ngayon, di ko na sila kilala. Masaya naman kami dati eh. Simple, makulit, hindi komplikado. Kaso habang tumatanda kami, nagkakandaleche-leche na lahat. Isa pang roblema sakanila, they're too loud. Alam kong maiingay na talaga sila. Pero minsan, sobra na. Hindi na kami mga 13 yrs old para humarot ng ganun. DUUUH. Ako na ang pinaka-bata, ako pa ang ganito mag-isip. Gaaahhhd. Ako lang ang walang jowa pero feeling ko mas mature pa ko sakanila. Ang haharot nila minsan na wala na sa lugar at di ko na kayang sabayan ang trip nila dahil nakakairita at hindi nakaktuwa. Kaya tinatawg nil kong "YAMOT" dahil minsan, naiinis na ko sakanila at wala na kong magawa kundi sumimangot at sarilinin nalang lahat. I studied highschool at Tondo where andun mga tarantadong mga tao. Pero hindi sumosobra sa limit ang mga kagaguhan namin nun. Babae kami kumilos kahit puro lalaki tropa namin. Walang arte sa katawan. Simple. Masaya. May kontrol ang bunganga. At dahil sa mga nangyayari ngayon, mas lalo kong naiintidihan yung sinabi nung "angel in disguise". Hindi sa sinasabi kong plastics, backstabbers, or whatever you call it sila. Ang sakin lang, ang hirap nilang intindihin at pakisamahan. Hindi naman lahat. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Basta ang alam ko, highschool friends padin talaga. Forever and ever. Walang plastikan, walang sapawan, hindi ka paguusapan pag nakatalikod ka na, hindi ka io-op, hindi ka kakalimutan kahit may jowa na sila. People change and friends leave, but that is not an excuse para intindihan  lahat ng kaibigan mo. One thing I learned in college, Hindi araw-araw kaibigan mo talaga ang mga kaibigan mo. Hihintayin ko nalang maka-graduate ako. Iisipin ko nalang ang studies kesa sakanila. Pakikisama ang natitirang meron ako para sakanila. Ganun nalang hanggang makawala sa mundong meron ako ngayon. :)

Message to my college friends, TANGINA NIYONG LAHAT WITH FEELINGS. ♥ Message to my highschool friends, HAYUP KAYO. MAGPAKITA NAMAN KAYO PAG MAY TIME. MISSING YOU ALL!!! Kayo padin kasi kayo lang naman talaga. Ajuju. :3 Mahal ko kayo! :)

Girlfriends♥

Chances....

It's been a week since I posted my last blog post. And it's been a week since we have a misunderstandings. 

Well, happy to say, the gap between us already ended. Kinain ko na lahat ng pride na pwede kong kainin para lang magkabati na kami. I think 5664326 times bago ko gawin kung ano sa tingin ko ang dapat. Inisip ko kung may magababgo ba or wala kung sakaling mag-sorry ako.  Because honestly, mas malaki ang kasalanan nila sakin kumpara sa kasalanan ko sakanila. Pero dahil I don't want to waste a year of our friendship, magpapakumbaba nalang ako. Kakalimutan ko lahat ng mga sinabi nila about me. Kakalimutan ko ang galit. Kakalimutan ang pride.

Before I said what I really feel, I took a very deep breath. Think for a second and think what are the consequences that I can get in giving it up. At first, I thought they would laugh at me because at the end, ako din yung susuko. Pero naisip ko din, kung hindi ako susuko, walang mangyayari samin. Mawawala lahat. Kaya I told them what I want them to know. I said sorry. Tears are falling from my eyes while I'm typing. I don't know if that tears are because of the hurt that I kept inside. Or it's because I feel so happy that I did what I think is right and I don't have any regrets doing it whether they'll accept it or not. At least, I did my part. 

After I posted it on our group page, I logged out my facebook account. Went home (I'm on the computer cafe that night because our internet connection is acting up) and thinking if there are response on my post. Kinakabahan ako kasi baka iignore lang nila yun. Nakakatakot isipin na pagkatapos ko kainin ang pride ko, hindi padin sila magpapakumbaba. I opened it again after an hour. Sumaya ko sa nakita ko. Naging okay kami. Kelangan lang pala, isang magpapaintindi, at isang marunogn umintindi. Isang magpapatawad, at isang hihingi ng tawad. 

After that, I felt relieved. Lahat ng galit, nawala. The day after, parang wala lang. Dating gawi pero mapapansin mo na medyo awkward. Pero at least okay na. And I'm thankful for that. Second chances are sometimes good. They can open a new chapter. A new life. A new memories. 

So, hoping for another year of friendship, laughs, tweeter-pating moments and dramas. Cheers to teenage life! 

TB

Remember the last thing that I blogged here is about my COLLEGE FRIENDS. It's been a month exactly today. WOW. Coincidence. That was September 19 and now is October 19. Keewl. I said in that blog post that I will post our kabaliwan soon. Our photos that we took almost everyday, our stories, jokes, and everything that we talk about everyday, every minute. Well, I don't think I will do it anymore. I don't know.. biglang nawala lahat ng pinagkaingatan ko. Yung isang araw, magugulat ka nalang, everyone hates you. They post they anger towards you. Pinaparinggan ka na, nilalait ka pa. Masakit. I'm hurt. So much hurt. I was crying last night because I can't help it. I ate a lot of sweets just to feel comforted. I was praying last night and thinking what I did wrong to them, why they suddenly hate me. Ang alam kong ginawa ko, is di ako sumama sa outing namin. Because of 3 reasons. First, sobrang daming gagawin at di kaya ng Monday. Second, wala pa kong pera. I have money, but not enough. And lastly, dahil sa nangyari. Supposedly, susunod ako kinabukasan. Pero dahil sa nangyari, I changed my mind. Di maganda pag sumunod pa ko. Awkward. Kasi alam ko, pinaguusapan na nila ko dun. Masakit isipin na ganun ang nangyayari. Okay naman talaga kami eh. The last thing I remember, we're laughing and throwing jokes at each other and then they don't talk to me suddenly. Di ko alam ano nagawa kong sobrang big deal sakanila. I thought they can handle me at my worst dahil we're friends since we're at our first years. Simula nun, lagi na kaming magkakasama sa lahat ng bagay. Tapos, everything will fall apart ng biglaan. Di ko na alam... Naalala ko si _______. Siya ng pinaka-una kong friend sa college. I can still remember our first encounter. The place, her face, and even our first conversation. HAHA! Pero ngayon, parang mawawala na lahat. Dahil lang sa di pagkakaintindihan. Pati si ________. Kahit nakakabwiset siya at all times, kahit may pagkamasama ugali niya, kahit she's too loud, kahit laitera siya... I accept her as my friend. I accepted her flaws. THEIR flaws, either. Friend ko padin naman sila eh. Di naman ako nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. I'm not that type of person. Magagalit ako pero just a short period of time. Masakit lang talaga sa ngayon. Nalulungkot ako. Kanina, I was crying again. But kasama ko si ____. Alam kong she'll understand me. Nafeel na niya nafefeel ko eh. Umiiyak lang ako habang nagkkwento. Siya naman, nakikinig lang. Walang angal. I feel comforted pag ganun. May makinig at makaunawa lang sakin, okay na ko. At least alam kong kahit papano, someone can understand me. Yung hindi sila pumapanig sa isang side lang. Ganun din si _______. Naiintindihan niya ko. Okay na yun. Andyan din naman si _______ at si _________. Di sila nakikisali. Instead, pinagbabati pa kami. Pero I don't think maayos pa 'to. I know them well. Their attitudes. Their PRIDES. Haaay. I'm crying again. I feel so down and depressed. Tapos stressed pa. Buti nalang we will have a party on sunday with my highschool friends. I feel relieved. After nun, iisipin ko nanaman kung pano ko sila haharapin sa school. Even ________, ________, ________, ________ and ________. I know they hate me. Naiinis sila sakin. Sabe. Buti nalang sembreak na. Medyo lalamig ang sitwasyon at maiiwasan ko din sila. I can think clearly. Naiisip ko nga, lipat kaya kong school? Kaso, sayang naman lahat ng pinaghirapan ko dun. Pati na din yung ibang friends na maiiwan ko dun. I feel so helpless right now. I can still manage to smile, but my one friend knows i'm not that happy. Alam niyang fake lahat ng smileys na nirereply ko sakanya. Nawalan din ako ng appetite. Iba talaga pag friends ang nawala. Mas masaklap kesa sa mawalan ka ng boyfriend. Mas madaming luhang mawawala. Mas madaming time na malungkot ka. Well, ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? The damage has been done. Sana lang wag na lumaki pa. I love my friends so much. Kumabaga, sila ang comforter ko. Pag stressed ako sa bahay, isipin ko lang na makikita at makakakwentuhan ko sila bukas, stress free na ko. Naalala ko yung movie na "The Reunion". Ayun ang first movie na pinanuod namin together as friends. And that is a story of friendship. Nagkagulo man sila, but at the end of the day, they remain as friends. Sana ganun kami. Isang SORRY lang naman gusto ko eh. I know demanding ako at mahirap ang hinihingi ko. Pero kung ayun ang makakapag-ayos ng lahat, why not give a one? Diba? I'm willing to say sorry naman eh. I know nagmaldita ko. And don't have any regrets. Sana maging okay na. Sana makalimot na ang lahat. Sana wala ng gulo. Sana katulad padin kami ng dati. Yung masaya, puro tawa, walang iwanan, puro gaguhan, kainan, kwentuhan, murahan, laitan, kiligan. Haaaaay. :( I don't think mababasa nila 'to. And I know ayaw nila sa madrama at napakahabang babasahin. Mga tamad kaya yung mg yun. HAHA! Maybe _____ will read this. Pero I don't think na nabibisita pa siya dito. More tumblr siya/sila eh. So, Dear whoever reading this, please tell my friends what i'm afraid to say. I love them to bits. I'm sorry if I acted like a mess. If I annoyed them and pushed them to limits. I didn't meant to ruined our friendships. They're my sisters and brothers. My comforters. My happy pill. My human diary. My mirror. My BESTFRIENDS. I will miss you, guise, balatubas, ulupong, girlfriends, my TROPANG BIGATIN. ♥ *sobs*

You can count on me like 123, I'll be there

And I know when I needed

I can count on you like 432, you'll be there

Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeaaah.