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After 3 years of being stuck  to my pathetic EX boyfriend who broke my heart, I can feel that "kilig feeling" again. He fetched me to school (of course there's that meet and greet with my friends and he's shy daw asar!) and accompanied me to home. We rode on a bus, talking, laughing for one hour (he even said "sana traffic" ugh), walked from the tricycle station up to my house. I let him go inside our small house because there's no one inside, but my cousin saw him that made me introduced him to him. We stayed there for whom 20 minutes, make him eat, drink and rest for a while. We had our "kulitan moments" until I let him go home. By then, i'm the one who accompany him to the bus stop. We walked again for minutes while having our kulitan. When we are waiting, he placed his arms on my side and I placed mine on his shoulders. And when the bus came, we said our goodbyes to each other and guess what? He kissed me, but just on the hair!! But it's... :">

UGH

Where will I start? Uhm.. okay. here it goes. Si ano kase, he has that "something" for me. And then he's, you know sweet, but it's unusual for me because we like to brawl with each other. And then.... Putangina, may nanliligaw sakin pero ewan ko kung matutuwa ba ko or what!!! Feeling ko ang unfair ko sakanya pag pinagpatuloy ko pa 'to! Puta, second chance na 'to! Hindi kami natuloy nung 4th yr ako dahil sa hayup na D na yan dahil di ako maka-move on sakanya! Pero he's still here kahit na nagka-girlfriend na siya na batchmate din namin. That's why I feel like I am being unfair to him dahil naman sa punyetang G na 'to na kahit minsan di man lang ako napansin at wala atang balak pansinin ako!! Yung hindi man lang niya alam kung gano ko siya kagusto at mahigit isang taon ko na siya hinihiling kay Lord at pinagbubuhusan ng efforts!!!! Deputa! Eto paaa... Feeling ko he's just bored or I was his option slash second choice slash rebound girl dahil niloko siya nung ex niya!! Langya!! Pero I know him, at alam ko kung sincere siya or hindi. Hindi pa kami pero nagakakaganto na ko, pano pa kaya if ever sagutin ko siya, baka mas mabilis pa sa wedding ni Kim Kardashian at Kris Humphries yung relationship namin dahil sa kagagahan ko! Sayang effort niya sakin if I'll stay like this.  I'm not worth his time and effort and everything. Isa pa... yung sasabihin ng iba! Ang hirap pag maliit lang yung mundong ginagalawan niyo, not literally. Pero yung group of friends niyo. Although may bagong bf na yung ex niya na niloko siya, I'm still sure that there's still a part of her na ayaw niya maging masaya yung ex niya at magpapaka-selfish muna siya. So, in the end, magagalit siya sakin at pag-uusapan ng mga friends niyang walang ginawa kundi mag-pacute at mag-babytalk kasama na din yung boyfriend niyang tropa ng ex niya! Leche. Nakakaloko! Haaaaaaayyyy! What should I do?! Hiniling ko 'to eh! But not complicated like this! Smh. 

Motivated!

"I'm not sure where I want to go, or who I want to be. All I know is that, ten years from now, I hope that I am happy."

Motivations... Motivations... Motivations! I'm getting too much of it from the people around me. Just so you know,  3rd yr college na po ako. I'm currently in the state of "knowing who you are and who you want to be." I'm few more steps to real life. You know, work, jobs, family, real things. And gusto ko na marating yun. I want to graduate, have the job that I love, have my own family, gusto ko makabawi sa parents ko and to those who helped us when we are in need. I want to buy those things na hindi ko makuha nung nag-aaral pa ko. I want to treat myself and my siblings and my friends from my very first paycheck. Kahit gano pa siya kaliit. I want to live a wealthy life! Who doesn't? And I just want to be happy when the time comes. And that's what keeps me motivated. I remember my relatives everytime na pinupuri nila ko at pinagmamalaki sa iba kong pinsan and kahit sa ibang tao kasi masipag daw ako mag-aral. Meron pa nga na my tita made me an example for my cousin to study hard. I heard her telling my tito, "Alam mo ba ginagawa kong model yang si Badeth kay Yuki! Sabi ko, gayahin niya Ate Badeth niya! Aral muna bago mag-boyfriend!" My titas even make me a tutor of their kids. Although it's not that hard kase I'm years ahead to them. Mga basic, ganun. And I'm telling them naman if I can't help them or if I don't know what's the answer. They even make me do this, do that, as if I know everything. I love helping! It's just that they have a high expectation when it comes to me. Ugh, if only they know. Napangiti ako that time. Naisip ko, may mga tao pa palang naniniwala sakin. Sa kakayahan ko. Masipag naman akong mag-aral eh. Nung elementary and highschool. But nung college, di ko na masyado kinakaya lahat. Ewan ko, kinukulang ako sa effort. No more spoon-feeding na kase. Tsaka ikaw na talaga ang bahala sa buhay mo. It's up to you kung gagawin mo lahat or makikisabay ka sa agos or wala. As in wala. Pag nakakakuha ko ng 3, masaya na ko. Ika nga nila, di baleng hindi mataas basta pasado. Ganyan sa college. Pero habang tumatagal, nahihiya kong ipalita mga classcards kong nagmumura sa 2.50, 2.75, 3.00 sa parents ko. Hindi kase ganun ang expectation nila sakin. I think I will disappoint them. Not only my parents, but my relatives who believe in me. Taray ko, diba? Dami supporters. Kaya simula nun, I realized that I need to stusy harder. Not just hard, but HARDER. Pero isa lang makakatulong sakin. Me, myself and I. Kaya naisipan kong magsipag na sa pag-aaral simula ngayong sem. Hindi ko lang naisipan, syempre kelangan kong gawin. I need a change! If I want something good for me in the future, I need to start as early as possible. I need to start now! Gusto kong may mapatunayan sa lahat. Ayoko madisappoint mga taong andyan para sumuporta. Gusto ko magamit lahat ng pinaghirapan ko habang nag-aaral. I want my family to be proud of me even once in my life. I want to pay them back. Gusto ko magsuot ng black na toga while holding my diploma. I want to work not just for a living, but to be satisfied and be contented. Ayoko magsisi sa bandang huli. I just want to be happy and successful. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? B.

MEDYO RANT

PUNYETA. GUSTONG GUSTO KO MAG-BLOG NGAYON, KASO DI KO ALAM ANO I-BBLOG KO. PUTA, NAKAKAINIS! NUNG ISANG ARAW PA KO GANITO. ANG DAMING PUMAPASOK SA ISIP KO PERO DI KO NAMAN MAI-TYPE, PUTA. MAGMUMURA NALANG MUNA KO PARA CUTE, TANGINIS! NAFU-FRUSTRATE TALAGA KO PAG GANITO! GUSTO KONG I-BLOG YUNG GANITO, GANYAN, YUNG ANO, YUNG GANON. LECHE! UMUULAN PA NAMAN. MY PERFECT WEATHER FOR BLOGGING, PERO ANO? WALA! NGA-NGA! DEPUTA! ANG DAMI-DAMI KONG DRAFTS PERO DI KO MAN LANG MAITULOY KAHIT ISA. NA-LECHE NA! ANG DAMI KONG SUBJECT AND TOPICS PERO DI KO MAGAWAN NG LAMAN. TANGINUUH! SANA BUKAS LUMAWAK NA PAG-IISIP KO AT TUMABA NA UTAK KO AT SANA PATAWARIN AKO NI LORD SA PAGMUMURA KO. hahahuhu

HASHTAG MEDYO BADGIRL
HASHTAG MEDYO RANT
HASHTAG CAPSLOCK PARA INTENSE