That moment when you thought you already experienced the most heartbreaking moment in your life, but it's not only like that. It's just one of the hundreds or thousands of heartbreaks that you will feel. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
It just made me realize that people can hurt you without them knowing that they are already hurting you because they don't care about you and they don't give a fuck about it, either.
I had my first heartbreak when I was 15. Everyone knows how highschool life's so exciting and fun and full of "first" and experiences and emotions and feelings. I had my first boyfriend when I was 14. So basically, that was not my first heartbreak. Because I said that I had it when I was 15. Just clearing things up. ;) Okay. Back to my first boyfriend. I'm 2nd year HS that time. He was my bandmate on our drum & lyre band on our church. We don't start as friends as far as I remember. He courted me very fast, but I answer him base on the date that I want. So, he waited for a bit long time. I guess? HAHA. Since I was so young that time, I don't have any idea any experience about relationships, boyfriend-girlfriend thing, flings and love. So I just go with the flow. I feel some "kilig" whenever he holds my hand and whenever we're together. I will not make this story long. So yeah, I broke up with him after a month through friendster. HAHAHAHA. (So very jej, I know, but forgive me, i'm still young and there's no facebook that time! Lol.) Okay. I broke up with him because I don't love him. From the very start. I think i'm just only "nadala" because I want to know how it feels to have a boyfriend. I know I don't have feelings for him because I don't know what is love that time. How does it feel or how does it work out in relationships. Things like that. But I know I have a feelings for him, just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. After a year, we became friends again. He wants me back, but I refuse. I don't know. I really don't have any feelings for him. The feeling is not mutual. So, we remain as friends. And i'm happy for that. And of course a little part of me got hurt when I broke up with him because I made him sad and cry. (That's what his friends told me after) but it's no big deal. Yea.
Here's the first. After my 1st boyfriend, I had my 2nd boyfriend a year after. So, I'm in 3rd yr HS that time, (my favorite part of being a high school). Don't ask why. Hehe. We started as friends, then turned into "bestfriends". We used to go out with his friends after class and then he will accompany me to our house. The funny part is that he has a girlfriend that time. But the girl took him for granted and left him for another guy. She two-timed him. She's a bitch. Ok. It's my story, not hers. We are like that for a couple of months until we become so close. I don't feel anything for him that time. He's a good friend. Some of his friends courted me, but none of them became my boyfriend. I don't know why. Maybe because they're not my type. Haha! We used to go to their house every first friday and shortened period with his friends. He and his girlfriend lasted for only 4 months. 4 months of "unfaithfulness" To make this story short, we became a couple at the month of February 2010. They broke up January 2010, so basically, I'm a
So the second, and I hope would be the last, but definitely not, is this year. If you're reading my previous posts, the person behind it is the same person behind my second heartbreak. He's not mine. We're not really together and he doesn't even know me personally. Seems legit, huh? But he's the person who makes me feel the same thing that I felt after my 2nd boyfriend and I broke up. I know I'm kinda emotional when it comes to him while he doesn't give a damn about me. All I know is that he's the one that I want to end up with. He's the one that I will introduce to my family, friends and to everyone. He's the one who will stand beside me in front of God. I know it's too early to say those things, but I don't care. And he doesn't care either. I want him so badly. And I hope he wants me that bad too. This heartache started when I saw him with somebody else. You know? That feeling when you saw the one you like, liking somebody else. UGH. Douche. Don't wanna make this long. It's just making me feel numb. Hehe. -.- It's just kinda weird because we don't have any "relationship" but i'm still feeling this way. That's why my friends are always telling me, "Ang assuming mo, girl!" "feeling mo naging kayo?" "Bitter!" and so many bullshits. Well, it doesn't change everything I feel. HEARTBREAKING.
Still hoping for "US," though. *sigh*
No comments:
Post a Comment