It's my first time to attend mass alone. 
There's no one to accompany me, so I left all by myself and it feels good. Seriously.  
Before, I chose to stay at home if there's no one wants to go with me. 
But the feeling of not going to church, makes me feel weak, sad and uneasy. 
It feels like I own all the hatred, problems and anger inside me every time I didn't go to church. 
You know that heavy feeling?
So I pushed myself not to feel lazy on a Sunday afternoon, and I made it! I feel so proud of myself. lol
I went to church alone and spend 2hrs there because I arrived at the half part of the first mass, so I attend to the next mass after. 
You know what? 
I still pray that you and me might end up together.
Of course I prayed for me, my family and friends. 
I thank God for the blessing in everyday life. 
And I say sorry for the shits I've been. All the hatred and all bad things that a good girl shouldn't do. ;)
And I asked for help for everyday. In school, home, outside and wherever I go.
But the highlight is you. And what I felt for the past few days. 
You should feel great. So, stop being a douche. 
I know God heard me. But maybe he's still writing the climax of our story. 
He's on the conflict part already, maybe that's why this is happening. 
This post looks like a poem, but it's not. 
It's random and the feeling inside this sucks. Big time.  
:)